Not Seeing Me ..

after being in the race for so long,

i knew in my mind that i was ahead of the pack.

like, i knew they just had to be seeing me;

i was in first place, afterall ..

but after running the same race for so long;

going around that same circle lap after lap,

people eventually give up & lose hope.

im not one of those people though ..

see me, i stuck it out;

sprinted my way around the last bend

& gave my all until the very end.

i stood at the finish line for a while;

waiting for everybody to catch up & get done ..

& i just knew i would win that prize;

those medals, that throphy, & everything else

a first place winner would be awarded ..

but i was left standing there,

with nothing to show for it all.

Role Playy

Everybody in this world has a role to play;

& its a shame that people have yet to discover this.

I mean, everybody cant be somebody or something in life.

It just has to people who are nobody & nothing.

Thats why those words were created, if you didnt know.

Lately, btchs been on some otha sht;

like they dont know they roles.

I mean damn, you gotta get in where you fit in ma!

If you not wifey, dont trip like you got the title.

You dont get dat sht of tops;

thats sumn you gotta put in time for.

It aint nothing wrong with being the sideline hoe,

girlfriend numero dos, or whateva you wanna call it;

somebody gotta play the position on the field.

You should at least feel special to have a position;

just know the game aint complete without you!

& if you just a freak or a money maker, be just that;

dont blow the fone up, try to spend "quality time",

& all that extra sht that you not obligated to have.

That right there just throws everything off;

its a balance to this sht.

& you hoes been putting too much weight on ya end of the see-saw ..

Real Recognize Real, I Suppose ..

- you never know who really got you like they say until you at yo' worst; im talking down & out, the lowest of lows, done hit rock bottom type sht`. it seem like the whole city behind me when im at my best; but when life hits a 180 m'fckas get ghost. did i let them stop me though? ha, now thats a rhetorical question. ya already knowing whats up! i had to pick myself up & get myself together; by myself & for myself. but along my journey from demise to rise again, i found somebody that helped me realize alot; its kinda crazy to think about how much clearer things have gotten over the few past days by me just talking to this person. & i was actually quite shocked to have learned some things from her; but when i think about it, im like damn now i see why deezy & jessie fcks wit you so hard; you real! period.point,blank. i see why mufckas dont like you; & i know they gon hate me fa this one! but real recognize real. & i always gotta shout out the real real btchs out hur; so kaniesha, this one's for you!

" quote. "

Life and death;

energy and peace.

If I stop today,

it was all still worth it.

Even the terrible mistakes that I have made

and would have unmade if I could.

The pains that have burned me

and scarred my soul;

it was worth it.

For having been allowed to walk where I've walked;

which was to hell on Earth,

heaven on Earth,

and back again;

into,

under,

far in between,

through it,

in it,

and above.

Life Overload.

Life is really taking its toll on me;
as well as everybody else around me.
& i been trying so hard to stay strong;
not just for myself,
mainly for everybody else.
But facing so many hardships,
its getting difficult to carry on.
& if everything does happen for a reason,
right now i just want to know why .. ?
Then maybe i can cope with what's going on;
maybe, but most likely not.
Hopefully something good will come from it all;
im most definitely praying that it will ..

Rest In Peace JaMeah

&

Free Killa

<3

Nobody Wanna See Us Together!

nobody wanna see us together
but little do they know we dont need nobody!
cuz we got you.me.& we
all we really have is the two of us
& thats all we need to succeed at this thing called love.
they steady throwing salt each & every way;
& its always something new each & every day.
we knew from the start they would try to bring us down ..
so together we climbed & now we soar high above the ground.
the they is not what made us,
so there is no way for the they to break us.
the we is what got us going
& the we is all we have to keep us growing.
although nobody wanna see us together,
you & i are here to stay forever!

Through The Storm & Back Again

So I'm sitting on the floor, starring outside ..

It's raining cats & dogs.

naw wayyy bigger;

elephants & gorillas!

fck, I'm tripping hard.

But really though, the storm itself

in soooo many ways reminds me of you & I.

We've been through too many of storms just like this;

all the times when we abused & misused each other,

the lies & betrayal,

the heartaches & heartbreaks.

Sometimes the storm was just too much for us to bear

& we sought out shelter in the hearts of others.

But just like the storm I'm watching right now,

ours eventually let up & passed on through;

the rain began to lighten up,

thunder stopped pounding as hard,

& lightening no longer struck throughout the sky.

When we thought the storm would never let up

we kept hope & believed that the sun would come out;

& for that reason, I know our love can outlast this storm ..

im good. & yourself?

- i cant even begin to stress enough how perfect life is ..

im doing better than i've ever did.

feeling better than i've ever felt.

my mommy, my man, & my money

been keeping me real happy.

my family straight & my lil sistas

out hur thuggin real hard.

sht, im good!

doing better than most of ya;

& can promise you that one.

so quit tryna put it in my head

that somethings wrong with me ..

aint sht wrong wit me.at all!

except, maybe the fact that i overanalyze sht;

i peep my surroundings wayyyyy too much!

& doing so has brought me to realize

that ya the ones with the problems.

so why you worrying about a person

that honestly does not give a fck about you,

do yourself a favor & ask yourself:

how are YOU doing today?

Fight For Love

i been sitting here for so long
trying to write something to
make sense of what im feeling,
but i cant.
i wrote. edited. erased.
& then wrote some more;
but the words alone didnt even
begin to do justice for my emotions.
cuz theres nothing that i can say..
more like nothing left for me to say.
you done heard it all before,
cuz i done said all there is to say.
i feel like im alone fighting for this..
we done been too strong for too long
to just give up on everything we got.
& im not giving up.
bby, you gon have to take my life
before you can take my drive.
cuz me without you,
us without each other;
it just aint rite..
so for what this is worth,
imma keep fighting.

my life. fck yours.

i qot MY own life ..
MY own sht` to solve
MY own problems to handle
& a boat load of otha sht' in
MY world to worry about

so where do YOU fit in?
lhh. NOWHERE!

i really need you all to realize that im NOT
a counselor.
a personal psycholoqist.
nor am i a social worker.

or anythinq that comes close to any of those!

i honestly need all of thee above, if you ask me. like i stated before, i qot my own life & all dat otha extra sht' dat comes alonq with it. so if i dont ask, then please do me a favor & dont tell! i know when sht` be wronq with people; im nowhere close to beinq dumb. so what im sayinq is, if i dont care enough to question whats qoinq on then i dont fckn care. at all! its really as simple as that. but you know if i fck wit you, den i fck wit you. my hotline is always open to those that complete my world. other than that, if you dont fit into that cateqory, let me live my life & not qive a fck about yours ..