Unforgettable Moment.

As the sun's warm rays grazed the surface of your beauty,
the distinctive curves of your face became illuminated.
Each speck of gold that rests upon your eyes
began to shine brighter than I had ever seen before,
drawing me in closer than I had ever been before.
I became lost in this trance,

tunneled into this vision;
taken to this place where only you and I existed.
Everything and everyone in the world around us
no longer held any significance in that moment.
Your touch took me to heights that were thought to be unreachable,
the look from your eyes touched me in ways that were unbelievable;
your presence alone was the greatest feeling next to love.
A feeling that was rare, obsolete,

and nonexistent before you ever came along;

before this moment in time.
Unknowingly, yet unstintingly, you placed your heart in my hands.
. . you are all I need, and I'll never let go . .

Child Movie Star to Teen Glamour Girl

Sweet: Honey Girls

Mission ACT: Successful.

So I was super happy when I got a 23 on my ACT test in April; seeing how it was the first time I had took it. So I figured my score would only go up after taking the ACT prep course at school. & it did! My December score was badass; went up 2 whole points. 2 points might not seem like alot, but a 25 is exactly what I was aiming for.

I'm happy for me, you should be too! (:

Fashion Knows No Boundaries

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Hope everyone's Christmas went as well as mine did. The day actually went better than I expected. Woke up to see that there was no longer raindrops falling from the clouds above, instead snowflakes were in their place; this automatically put me in the spirit of Christmas! The hours that followed were filled with fun, food, & family. Honestly couldnt have asked for more - except for the company of 2 people I miss at the moment. The new year is right around the corner. Big things are most def in store for 2010, I can feel it!

Kardashians: to love, or not to love?

I absolutely love the Kardashian sisters, but I'm not sure whether to hate or love their new People Magazine shoot. The girls were attempting to pull off Beyonce's "Single Ladies". In the back of my mind, the only thing that I can think of is that none of them are single! Maybe it's just me. What's your take on it?

May 28th can't get here fast enough!

Sex and the City 2?
Yes, its true!
Sarah Jessica Parker and the girls are back at it again. Who would've guessed?! I personally wasn't expecting a sequel to follow the original movie. Few details have been released about the basis behind the plot of the second movie - Carrie and Big possibly adopting, an appearance from the lovely Miss. Miley Cyrus. The official movie trailer can be found HERE. View it, bookmark it, and then view it until the movie's release on May 28th, 2010.

As raindrops hit the ground this Christmas Eve,

YOU are all that I can think of.

If you want to know how much I miss you, try catching the raindrops.

The one you catch is how much you miss me;

the ones you miss is how much I miss you.

18 for 18

On 01.02.10, it will be official; I will be 18! I feel like I've been through about 18 whole lives, let alone little years. For that, I think I deserve the world; or maybe just the 18 items below ..

The Teen Vogue Handbook

Love make-up,

need to learn to perfect it

Make-up & new brushes

- the good stuff! -

Forever 21 apparel

Juicy Couture Perfume

. . secretly been dying to read this . .

yesss. im serious. i heart cupcakes; & the BIGGER, the BETTER!

okayy, that was nowhere near 18 things.

but hey, who was counting?

GaGa, oohh lalaaa!

With Christmas only days away,

I thought I would take the time out

to let you all know what i really want this year

All I want for Christmas is 2 Lady GaGa tickets; & I dont even have to have them on Christmas Day. As long as I have them in my hands on January 7th - when she comes to St.Louis - then it's perfectly fine. You could even think of it this way: 1 for Christmas and 1 for my birthday. Just know that I want them, badly!

Fame Killed.

Stumbled upon a promo picture of what would have been the Fame Kills Tour

David LaChapelle did it again!

but sadly to say, this was the only one that i found;

there has to be more out there ..

" someone. "

i never wanted a woman

that wanted me for my name or material things.

see, i always hoped for a woman that's so sure;

emotionally secure with spiritual faith.

a woman that i can trust with all of my secrets

and even listen to all of my issues.

a woman who never judge me or how i was;

she deals with me strictly through love.

. . .

someone who will put up with the things

loving me can bring

and still be there to see us through.

someone who would put up with the strange

and complicated things,

'cause i would do the same for her too

someone who i can be real with, ain't gotta be perfect,

`cause loving one another is all that matters.

it's not hard to explain,

so believe me when i say

that i found all of that in you

<3

- musiq soulchild

from you, to me.

As beautiful as the snow resting on the mountain tops you cover me..

as rational as the most logical individual yhu intreg me...

stimulating my mind;

forcing me to raise to the peck of my intelligence..

This foundation, this comfort, this stability

that I've found wid yhu is unexplainable..

use to believe idt was unattainable

budt unselfishly you've given idt to me..

placed idt inside of my hands..

palms sweaty, heart racing;

you unbeknowistly calm me..

with nonething budt your presence..

proving once again your all I need...

what I'm looking for,

whadt I long for dwell inside of yhu..

how does idt feel to knoe yhu do this to me..

yhu are this for me?

..A masterpiece painted perfectly by jesus himself..

........

As beautiful as the snow resting on the mountain tops..

-you are-

untitled ballad, <3

hours seemed to pass us by as we stood there embracing one another.

all the while, memories so vividly replayed in my head;

memories that would remain just that, memories of you & i.

because once you reluctantly let go

& looked into my eyes,

reality began to set in.

at that moment, i knew that somehow i had managed

to let you slip away back into her arms.

i fought so hard to keep back the tears

that i could feel forming in the ducts of my eyes;

& although you could see the intense emotions swelling within me,

you turned your back on me,

& strolled back into her life without even glancing back.

from my perspective, life seems as if it's so much easier with her;

& how you've managed to portray this is impossible.

she puts your beautiful soul & your delicate heart

through too much for even you to bear.

the heart breaks & heart aches

continue to repeat their cycle in your life;

& in the distance, i can still hear

the ever so faint sound of your heart's cries.

cries that are crying out for the warmth & love

that your battered heart so desperately needs & truly deserves.

cries that never had to be brought back into your world;

because once upon a time,

those same cries had been consoled by my presence.

so my thoughts have now been forced

to take me on trips to unwanted destinations;

trying to figure out the responses

to these unanswered questions that i have.

& in the end, the only thing that i can conclude

is that maybe hearts never do truly change;

because all along, with her is where your heart had,

& will forever remain.

late niqht writinq session

so its like one sumn` in thee a.m.; && it just seems like everybody has been in they feelings today. like extraaa deep! & me, im right along with em; it aint nothing new though. i stay thinking real hard; over-analyzing sht; causing my feelings to get the best of me. im my own worst enemy when it comes to my emotions. i just get myself so worked up over the littlest things! like right now, its so much on my mind; i don't even know where to begin. im having mixed emotions && second thoughts; ugh, i wish people would just leave the past in the past; mfckas see im tryna move on. & im doing pretty damn good on forgetting about all the miscellaneous niggas out hur; but people insist on speaking on them. they insist on hitting my line; mfckas`still tryna be on my team. && all i can do is smh at the world! cuz its pretty clear to me that the world aint tryna let me be; cant nobody stand to see me shine. they aint tryna let me be happy, at all. & getting all wrapped up in my emotions aint gon` make the situation no better; i gotta get me. i cant complete somebody else if im not even complete myself; so imma do what i gotta do for us to make it <3

early morninq; blahhh!

to have had such a "idk" night; my morning is looking quite wonderful. woke up to find $$$ under my pillow; NOT from the tooth fairy, either! had breakfast & early txt convo's w/the btchs; anticipation mixtape, facebook. & my favorite pastime: blogging! i KNOW i've been slacking on the whole blogging thing; kinda let this summer get the best of me. && it wasn't even a big deal like i expected , smh! but it was fun while it lasted; here&there w/the fab5: clubs, malls, late nights at kiyla's. being with them funny looking, retarded ass btch's is all i really remember! good thing, bad thing? who knows. sht, aint nobody else really important; except for my boyfriend. aint really a "relationship" person; &iDONT like either of those words ( boyfriend or relationship}. but, being in a relationship w/HIM is different; it's feels so natural. so right. i mean, he was my first love afterall; nearly 3 years in the making has led up to this point. im happy to say that im content with life&love at this moment ..

Picture This ..

picture this ..

after a thousand words said,

we still couldn't understand what was

in each others heads.

complete. content.

sunrise to sunset;

so fly like stars.

you were everything i wished for;

but yet, you made time to speak your mind

when i wasn't pleasing you.

took my love in vain;

i was bleeding you.

lonely nights i held my pillow tight,

wishing i was squeezing you.

it's crazy we can only see the bad times

when we're together

&& remember the good when we're apart.

if we throw away our love

does that bring us back to the start?

time heals all wounds,

but i can't rewind my heart.

is the flame still not there

if seeing you ignites the spark?

picture this:

after a thousand words said,

we could never understand

what was in each others heads ..

&`while i was m.i.a ,, (randoms]

always&forever.

although we fell short of forever; isly.a&f

Reunited;&`it feels SO good.

for reasons uknown.&`others that are quit blatant;

the five of us went our separate ways,

quit fckn wit' each other all together.
sht, we all to blame for letting it go that easily;

but when that "fab5 reunion" txt went out,

we quickly put the pieces bck together.

ilu4.&`thats forever

< / 3 .

reality just set in
& it looks like im at a dead end ..
each way i look & every way i turn,
i see us drifting further to the point of no return.
so now must be the right time to say goodbye
& thats something we must not deny.
it was inevitable that we would meet our demise,
since the love we had was buit on nothing but lies;
lies that were engraved from the start
& carried on to enslave our hearts.
my little heart can only take so much
& its honestly had more than enough.
i wanna be liberated. set free;
from all the lies that once were binding me.
i wanna be emancipated. & freed;
so me & my heart can one day succeed
at this thing that they call love,
cuz remaining here, thats one thing i'll fall short of.

Not Seeing Me ..

after being in the race for so long,

i knew in my mind that i was ahead of the pack.

like, i knew they just had to be seeing me;

i was in first place, afterall ..

but after running the same race for so long;

going around that same circle lap after lap,

people eventually give up & lose hope.

im not one of those people though ..

see me, i stuck it out;

sprinted my way around the last bend

& gave my all until the very end.

i stood at the finish line for a while;

waiting for everybody to catch up & get done ..

& i just knew i would win that prize;

those medals, that throphy, & everything else

a first place winner would be awarded ..

but i was left standing there,

with nothing to show for it all.

Role Playy

Everybody in this world has a role to play;

& its a shame that people have yet to discover this.

I mean, everybody cant be somebody or something in life.

It just has to people who are nobody & nothing.

Thats why those words were created, if you didnt know.

Lately, btchs been on some otha sht;

like they dont know they roles.

I mean damn, you gotta get in where you fit in ma!

If you not wifey, dont trip like you got the title.

You dont get dat sht of tops;

thats sumn you gotta put in time for.

It aint nothing wrong with being the sideline hoe,

girlfriend numero dos, or whateva you wanna call it;

somebody gotta play the position on the field.

You should at least feel special to have a position;

just know the game aint complete without you!

& if you just a freak or a money maker, be just that;

dont blow the fone up, try to spend "quality time",

& all that extra sht that you not obligated to have.

That right there just throws everything off;

its a balance to this sht.

& you hoes been putting too much weight on ya end of the see-saw ..

Real Recognize Real, I Suppose ..

- you never know who really got you like they say until you at yo' worst; im talking down & out, the lowest of lows, done hit rock bottom type sht`. it seem like the whole city behind me when im at my best; but when life hits a 180 m'fckas get ghost. did i let them stop me though? ha, now thats a rhetorical question. ya already knowing whats up! i had to pick myself up & get myself together; by myself & for myself. but along my journey from demise to rise again, i found somebody that helped me realize alot; its kinda crazy to think about how much clearer things have gotten over the few past days by me just talking to this person. & i was actually quite shocked to have learned some things from her; but when i think about it, im like damn now i see why deezy & jessie fcks wit you so hard; you real! period.point,blank. i see why mufckas dont like you; & i know they gon hate me fa this one! but real recognize real. & i always gotta shout out the real real btchs out hur; so kaniesha, this one's for you!

" quote. "

Life and death;

energy and peace.

If I stop today,

it was all still worth it.

Even the terrible mistakes that I have made

and would have unmade if I could.

The pains that have burned me

and scarred my soul;

it was worth it.

For having been allowed to walk where I've walked;

which was to hell on Earth,

heaven on Earth,

and back again;

into,

under,

far in between,

through it,

in it,

and above.

Life Overload.

Life is really taking its toll on me;
as well as everybody else around me.
& i been trying so hard to stay strong;
not just for myself,
mainly for everybody else.
But facing so many hardships,
its getting difficult to carry on.
& if everything does happen for a reason,
right now i just want to know why .. ?
Then maybe i can cope with what's going on;
maybe, but most likely not.
Hopefully something good will come from it all;
im most definitely praying that it will ..

Rest In Peace JaMeah

&

Free Killa

<3

Nobody Wanna See Us Together!

nobody wanna see us together
but little do they know we dont need nobody!
cuz we got you.me.& we
all we really have is the two of us
& thats all we need to succeed at this thing called love.
they steady throwing salt each & every way;
& its always something new each & every day.
we knew from the start they would try to bring us down ..
so together we climbed & now we soar high above the ground.
the they is not what made us,
so there is no way for the they to break us.
the we is what got us going
& the we is all we have to keep us growing.
although nobody wanna see us together,
you & i are here to stay forever!

Through The Storm & Back Again

So I'm sitting on the floor, starring outside ..

It's raining cats & dogs.

naw wayyy bigger;

elephants & gorillas!

fck, I'm tripping hard.

But really though, the storm itself

in soooo many ways reminds me of you & I.

We've been through too many of storms just like this;

all the times when we abused & misused each other,

the lies & betrayal,

the heartaches & heartbreaks.

Sometimes the storm was just too much for us to bear

& we sought out shelter in the hearts of others.

But just like the storm I'm watching right now,

ours eventually let up & passed on through;

the rain began to lighten up,

thunder stopped pounding as hard,

& lightening no longer struck throughout the sky.

When we thought the storm would never let up

we kept hope & believed that the sun would come out;

& for that reason, I know our love can outlast this storm ..

im good. & yourself?

- i cant even begin to stress enough how perfect life is ..

im doing better than i've ever did.

feeling better than i've ever felt.

my mommy, my man, & my money

been keeping me real happy.

my family straight & my lil sistas

out hur thuggin real hard.

sht, im good!

doing better than most of ya;

& can promise you that one.

so quit tryna put it in my head

that somethings wrong with me ..

aint sht wrong wit me.at all!

except, maybe the fact that i overanalyze sht;

i peep my surroundings wayyyyy too much!

& doing so has brought me to realize

that ya the ones with the problems.

so why you worrying about a person

that honestly does not give a fck about you,

do yourself a favor & ask yourself:

how are YOU doing today?

Fight For Love

i been sitting here for so long
trying to write something to
make sense of what im feeling,
but i cant.
i wrote. edited. erased.
& then wrote some more;
but the words alone didnt even
begin to do justice for my emotions.
cuz theres nothing that i can say..
more like nothing left for me to say.
you done heard it all before,
cuz i done said all there is to say.
i feel like im alone fighting for this..
we done been too strong for too long
to just give up on everything we got.
& im not giving up.
bby, you gon have to take my life
before you can take my drive.
cuz me without you,
us without each other;
it just aint rite..
so for what this is worth,
imma keep fighting.

my life. fck yours.

i qot MY own life ..
MY own sht` to solve
MY own problems to handle
& a boat load of otha sht' in
MY world to worry about

so where do YOU fit in?
lhh. NOWHERE!

i really need you all to realize that im NOT
a counselor.
a personal psycholoqist.
nor am i a social worker.

or anythinq that comes close to any of those!

i honestly need all of thee above, if you ask me. like i stated before, i qot my own life & all dat otha extra sht' dat comes alonq with it. so if i dont ask, then please do me a favor & dont tell! i know when sht` be wronq with people; im nowhere close to beinq dumb. so what im sayinq is, if i dont care enough to question whats qoinq on then i dont fckn care. at all! its really as simple as that. but you know if i fck wit you, den i fck wit you. my hotline is always open to those that complete my world. other than that, if you dont fit into that cateqory, let me live my life & not qive a fck about yours ..

qrow`d up, much?

the old me would've put the btch on BLASSSTT ..
see, i know soooo much DiRT about her;
you'd think that she would KNOW not to fck wit me!
if i REALLY wanted to EXPOSE her, i could.
& most people tellinq me that i should ..
but i GREW up.& chanqed my ways;
DONE with the nonsense & the child play.
in sooo OVER the situation at hand, tbh ..
"& whyy exactly?" , is what everybody's asking;
i KNOW that EVERYTHING is gon come back on her;
the LIES. the BETRAYAL. & every otha FCK'd UP thing
that she done did to me & the rest of the world.
& its qon HIT her ass 10 TIMES HARDER!
mufckas qon wanna put da btch 6 FT UNDER
when all dis sht come to light. & it will.
that much i can GUARANTEE you!
so for the time beinq ..,
YOU'RE FCKN WELCOME.
cuz bitch, I'M KEEPING YOU ALIVE!

Fck Dem Otha Hoes, Fck Dem Otha Bitches.

[The Lil Sis Lex]

aint even been a whole year

& dis btch been ridinq fa me

like she knew me her whole life.

(wit' her YOUNG ass!)

qot all love for you;

& on qodddd . .

im NEVA qon turn my bck on dis one!

mufckas done left her high & dry;

but we still out hur thuqqin on dem hoes.

CAASSSHHHH OUTTTT!!

----

[The Bff Cuppy]

afta all dese otha hoes done went M.I.A

she STILL here tho . .

we done been through some shit ova the years;

& mufckas still aint hip to what we be on!

schemin on hoes, making BIG moves;

otha bitches cant handle how REAL you is.

im on it doe & dis sht fa life dawg

(it betta be, im gettin you tattd!)

but fck all da sentimental,

& FIREEEEE DAT UPPPPPPPP!

& im STILL eating!

aye, do me a favor for a second ..

think back & gather a list of all the bitches

that you have EVER befriended in life;

now hold that thought!

its crazy when you think about how FEW of dem still fck wit you; chances are VERY slim that you even conversate with half of em. but can you remember when them same mufckas was yo WORLD? (seriously) like you was ALWAYS with them; slept in da same bed wit dem hoes every weekend, called dey byrd "mama", told them yo entire life story & some mo shit, cashed out on em whenever they needed you to, etc. NOW LOOK AT YA! prolly fell out ova a NIGGA, anotha btch "stealing" her away, maybe even ova some clothes her ass borrowed & failed to return. (lhh) its CRAZY out hur! & i honestly feel STUPID as hell about being friends with more than half of the mufckas i used to be cool wit. i let dem bitches come in my world, get close to me, & den turn dey backs on me. BICTHES IS NOT LOYAL! at all. its hoes out hur straight sneaking on me HARDDD; but dey not even coming hard enough! what you mufckas have still failed to realize is: THERE IS NO BREAKING ME! its not happening; not neva. bruh, im not dat btch. IM THAT BITCH! ya hoes NEEDED me; & ya gon need me before i eva need ya mufckas. im STILL out hur. im STILL cashing out. & im STILL eating!

Nigga Aint Acting Rite?

well show a lil skin

&

head to iHOP

it seemed to work wonders for me!

shoutout to c-dubb fa putting me up on dat

(you know what im talking bout]

Scandle Handled.

So, me & my homeboy was talking earlier today.

Just having general conversation;

{school, summer, love interests, friends, etc.]

& we happened to stumble upon this one female.

See once upon a time, you couldnt have told me shit about her.

She was my muthafckn bitch!;

but like I said, that was wayyy back then.

Ppl had been told me what type of sht` she be on.

What type of btch she was.

& what type of friend she wasnt.

Being me, I befriended her anyway.

Only to find out for myself,

what everybody had already tried to tell me.

Shidddd, she was straight sneaking on me all along!

I mean, I shoulda known right from the start tho;

I sat bck & watched her do her

own mufckn blood in like a bitch off the street.

So it was no fckn problem

for her to do some sht like that to me!

(or at least try to..}

Cuz little did she know,

I keep my niggas on lock.

Come on now, we in it for life!

I mean, I am kinda sorta tattd on em`.

Rite? [lhh)

TORN.

the only thing that i could even do at that moment

was to let the tears flow.

i thought there was no way to break us for good,

but i guess this proved me wrong..

i mean, we've had our fair share of fall outs.

sht` who doesn't?

none of our downfalls even come close

to comparing to this one thing.

you just told me that you weren't going

anywhere anytime soon;

i believed you.

& then you hit me with:

"aw baby dont be mad,

but im moving to texas this weekend".

wait. what?

when you plan on telling me this?

& this all comes just when everything is perfect again;

actually better than before, if you ask me.

it seem like we be together every single day,

& lately we been growing alot closer.

but i guess none of that matters to you..

i cant even begin to cope with the fact that you leaving

& i doubt that i ever will.

right now i feel like you just ripped out my heart,

torn it into a billion pieces,

& dumped it off in the river somewhere.

this is so unreal to me;

& its honestly too much for me to handle..

Short, Simple. Straight To The Point.

sigh . .

today was filled with pure bliss;

couldn't have gone any better.

but then again,

it was missing ONE thing..

-whole other story tho-

spent the day with the bff & the love.

*realest mfckas i know;

( besides the big cuzzin, that is. ]

had some deep convos,

talked about alot of real sht..

or the LACK there of.

shtttt, all i can say is

ITS REALLY REAL OUT HUR!

Bad Btch Shopping Trip ... ?

more like girls gone wild!

[lhh)

the bff & her randomness

caught on camera.

Eeeek,Update!

ughhhhhhhhhhh, life has been...HECTIC!! [..though i doubt that's the word for it..) the picture basically describes it best! with finals less than a week away & seniors leaving in a couple days; everything has gotten more complicated. instead of planning out the beautiful summer ahead, i've settled for photo opts & yearbook signing. lolz; in my mind, school was over weeks ago.. so learning has been the last thing on my mind. i got wayyyyy bigger sht to handle.. -like what to do about the situation at hand. ugh, i'm torn between ... a few! pretty much had my mind made up. but i happened to see thee old love unexpectedly. (smiling just at the thought of em`!) & then there's the doctorrrr. he's head over heels for me. [i think..) the dad lovesssss me! says i'm the best daughter-in-law yet. lhh; come on, how could i let that man down? then again, he's already preoccupied. if you get the hint. oh, i have no problem with being a mistress. don't get me wrong.. but what does that say about our future relationship. sht`, you think about that. the other miscellaneous niggas are just that, now that i've thought about it. so they aren't even worth the time to talk about. omg, have i really written this much about sooooo little? if you still reading i don't even know what to say about you at this point! sht, thnx for reading. i guess..( lolz)

i know, i know. i knowww...
i be on one, at least they tell me so..

ttyl my lovessss..